So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
