then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
