sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
