I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
