I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
