whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
