He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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