Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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