I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
