office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
