I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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