The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
BRING THE BAGELS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
