Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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