I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Holy sore nipples Batman
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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