WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
