Do you still have your period?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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