So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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