he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
