and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
