What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
