i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
