How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
