He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
