How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
