Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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