CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
