I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
