Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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