Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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