It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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