Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
