I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
