btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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