Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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