I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
