cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
