god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
