ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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