I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
