we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
