Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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