I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
