where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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