I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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