Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
