I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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