I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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