I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
