Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
