I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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