I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
